In A Deplorable Cad, Nick candidly shares early stories of winging with Tom Torero, and a German friend of Tom’s: “Antony“. Antony would later go on to become “Anthony Hustle”. Below is an email that Nick received from Antony in March 2011, when they were diagnosing each other’s sticking points:
After having watched you and spoken (to) you for a few times, I will give my honest and straight forward feedback in bullet point […]
1) I don’t think that more theory will help you. Your theoretical knowledge is very deep and strong. I think theory destroys your vibe at times. There are too many exogenous factors that you can’t take into account (husband, got raped, just broke up that day); many times you will end with wrong conclusions. The trick is to be happy (later more). Theory only gets in your head and that’s the last thing you want because it destroys your vibe. I tended to be like that three months ago (it is my nature as an academic) and when I simply let go of the desire to find the perfect game model I got better again.
2) I can feel that there are still internal issues. I know that you are an honest and straight forward person and I know that you are not afraid of situations; I highly value this because I know that you would fight for me if the situation came up. I still feel that you are coming from a place of negativity (sometimes or in other respects) as if you have to prove something to yourself. Even if you don’t have to externally validate yourself , sometimes you may have to prove something to yourself. That is the wrong mindset and it comes from internal issues. I think the aim should be to be very positive, to be happy with yourself and to exude this energy. At the end, if you are happy with yourself, nothing and nobody can affect you. That’s very attractive.
3) This is related to 2). I think that you get hung up on the idea of being ‘alpha’. Alpha is just a label for something undefined. So the label alpha is firstly allusive and secondly another concept that people get obsessed with. If you can let go of the idea of becoming ‘alpha’ you will a) be more in the moment and b) actually become closer to the person you want to be. A desire to become a certain person (alpha) implies that you are missing a value that you want to obtain; ie you are not (yet) happy with who you are. People feel when you are not happy with yourself and it is not attractive.
Again, don’t get me wrong: you are very good. To master the above it probably takes time and it is very advanced but fundamental. I know you will sort all this out very soon because you won’t give up
That’s me being as honest as I can be!”
Wow. I feel like this sums up most underlying issues that intermediate daygamers have. I can definitely relate to these points, particularly 1) and 2). I see close wings struggling with 3) too: however, to me the whole alpha notion is stupid and misunderstood–anyone who has a decent amount of experience with women knows that success with women isn’t as straightforward as just “being alpha”.
Anyway, I really liked this extract from the book. Hope you do too.